Letra Grandpa got run over by a john deer Cledus T. Judd

Grandpa got run over by a john deer

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Grandpa got runned over by a John Deere
Walking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.
Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But after suing John Deere, I believe...

He'd been a-guzzlin' old Jack Daniels
And smokin' that wacky weed-
He mixed it with his medication
And run off with some bleach-blonde named Bernice.

When we found him Christmas mornin'
We thought he had a heart attack.
But he had tar prints on his forehead
And incriminatin' hickies on his neck.
(ON HIS WHAT???)

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But we're all ashamed of Grandpa.
He took Grandma's death too well.
Started watchin' porno movies
And engaging in phone sex with Cousin Belle.

It's a better Christmas without Grandpa
Last year in church, he mooned the choir.
At first, we thought it was Alzheimer's,
But looking back, we realized he was wired.

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Yeah, I filed myself a lawsuit
And they awarded me two mil.
You know Grandpa didn't leave me nuthin',
But thanks to that old John Deere, he got killed.

Funny, all my friends and neigh-bras
Turned up on the grand jury,
(laughs) I bribed 'em like Johnny Cochran
Did when they set O.J. Simpson free.
GUIL-TY!!!

CHORUS (x2)